Mom Passed Last Week

My mom died last week at age 90.  She was healthy right up until the last few months.

 She and I had been estranged. Are we still? Does she know what I am doing and thinking?  Is she in a place where she can reach out to me in ways she couldn’t when she was living here on this plain? I think I would like that.

Mom grew up during the “great depression” and firmly believed in “waste not, want not.”  She learned stoicism, and not to show her feelings.  She was a caring person who didn’t “waste” time or energy on feeling and expressing her feelings, especially uncomfortable ones.  (She was appalled and indignant when my cousins put their arms around each other and cried at their father’s funeral.) 

Could it be that the real "waste" was the not feeling and expressing her feelings?

I wish Mom the happiest, most joyous, heavenly existence possible from this day forward, and I am believing that, now, she can take time to feel the joy and happiness that is there for her.