The Best Time

As you look back over holidays, do any times stand out over others?  Perhaps as you think of them, you will realize, those were the times you were the most present.  Maybe a loved one visited from out of town and you spent quality time with him or her.  While you were conversing with this person you probably weren't ruminating over past mistakes or mind-racing about future problems or concerns.  You were enjoying the moment instead.


When we put our attention in the moment, we enjoy our lives more and have more energy for the future. (Which we can live happy moment to happy moment then.) 


I used to spend so much of my time worrying about the past and fearing the future, that I couldn't enjoy the present.  So notice when you have been the happiest, and perhaps it has been when you were the most present.


Find something to focus on in the "now" and enjoy all of your moments.

HOLIDAY STRESS??

Holiday Time!
Our society puts so much emphasis on creating the biggest and best holiday celebration of our lives.  If we have had less than perfect holidays in years past, we want to make up for it this year.  If we have had perfect, wonderful holidays in the past, we want to make them more perfect this year.

All of this desired perfection causes us great amounts of stress. 

What if we decided that whatever we do or accomplish this year is perfect, just because that is what we did?  When we change the belief that there are enough activities or enough things to do to make our holiday perfect, we can enjoy whatever the season brings our way. 

Being centered and peaceful will create its own kind of perfection, we may not have the grandest holiday, but a most wonderful one.   Stress is not necessary, we just believed it was. 

Relax and enjoy your holidays!
Love, Jackie

How Much Interference?

A teenager once said, "How can it ever be wrong to love a person?" 

I have an acquaintance who was doing something I believed was detrimental to her children. I had said some things about it quite casually a few times, but didn't want to interfere in another person's business.   Yesterday I took the plunge and spoke about my concerns, because of my love for these children.

I was a nervous wreck watching what had been happening and a nervous wreck speaking up about it.  I had decided on Sunday morning that I wasn't going to stand by any longer and not speak up.  Then I got a migraine headache that lasted all day and into yesterday.  (When I was a child it wasn't safe to speak up and go against the beliefs and wishes of my parents; and I believe most of us have been taught in one way or another to "mind our own business.")

My acquaintance was receptive and we hugged after the conversation.  I still felt ill the rest of the day, but knew that I had acted out of love, not malice. 

Later in the evening someone said to me, "You did the right thing, I'm proud of you."  Even though I believed I had done the right thing, it was very nice to hear that from someone else.

So, how much interference?   I guess my answer is: Let your Love decide.

Stress

Stress is usually from our judgments. We judge something as bad or wrong or terrible or unjust. Then we create lots of uncomfortable feelings inside ourselves, and they add up to stress.

What happens when we don't judge, but accept things as they are?  We may want them different, but not get angry or fearful or stressed about it. 

This used to seem impossible to me.  I thought if I wasn't upset, it meant I didn't care. I thought if I wasn't upset, I wouldn't make any effort to change things.

Now I know that I can care very much and not be stressed about a situation.  Without the stress I have a lot more energy to do what I can to change a situation.

Autism as an Opportunity

Autism has given many parents the opportunity to learn more about themselves as people and parents. Impossible as it seems, having and autistic child can be the opportunity that helps parents learn how to create better lives  and better relationships for themselves and their families.

I have counseled many parents who are now having delightful relationships with their autistic children, spouses and others.

It starts with unconditional love for yourself as well as your child. Believing that each one of us is doing the best we can, with our beliefs and awareness at the time. Letting go of judgments frees parents to interact with their child in a very different and more effective way.

I mentor parents using the Option Process and information from the Son-Rise Program. I have found Skype very effective for counseling with people from different parts of the world.

You may want to check out Option.org or Son-Rise.org.

STRESS!
How many times a day do you feel stressed?  Did you know that no matter what happens, you can feel stressed - or not.  We feel stressed because be believe it will somehow give us some power to do something about situations that we may not have control over. Stress, like other emotions, comes from our beliefs.

Yesterday a friend said she was feeling stressed because her doctor's appointment was changed to a later date. She didn't realize she had a choice about how she was going to feel about that.  As I did a mini "Option Dialogue" with her she realized that the stress wasn't about the doctor's appointment being changed, but about her belief that it was unfair to her to change it.  Then I asked her what she believed would happen if she wasn't stressed about the situation, and she said she probably would feel a whole lot better between now and when she actually got to see her doctor.

Stress will not give us power, in fact, it seems to do just the opposite!

I counsel and coach individuals to help them let go of their stress and live happier more enjoyable lives and also create better more loving relationships. 
jackiementor@gmail.com

Whining

WHINING: Wanting Help Involving a Needy, Irritating, Noisy Gesture.

Most children whine at one time or another.  Many adults do too. How many times I wished for a magic wand to turn off the whining. The whining was usually about something I was unable or unwilling to do anything about. I suppose that is why they whined, because they already knew I wasn't able to "fix" it.

I had a 17 year-old foster son who didn't complain very often, but would occasionally whine about something that seemed trivial to me. (One day he asked what was for dinner and when I told him we were having Chinese, he whined "but I wanted macaroni and cheese.")

I was standing next to him, so I put my arm around his shoulders and said, "And I love you very much."
The next times he whined I did the same thing, just told him I loved him very much and put my arm around him if he was next to me.  After a while, the whining stopped!

I realized afterward that when someone whines they are suggesting that we don't love them enough.  (If we loved them enough we would fix their problem.) 

I have paid attention to this since, and it seems that every time someone whines they are really saying, "You don't love me enough."   So the next time someone whines to you, instead of explaining or justfying your position, just try saying, "And I love you very much."

And see what happens. (And let me know at Jackiementor@gmail.co.)